"Leave and Cleave"

credits to: Pinterest...

“Therefore a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and shall be joined (CLEAVE) to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

About a month ago, a friend of mine shared me a link about "Leave and Cleave" by Richard Poon and Maricar Reyes, husband and wife.  They are both TV personality in the Philippines.  

The PERMANENT relationship is the HUSBAND-WIFE. The TEMPORARY relationship is the PARENT-CHILD.

 To leave also means EMOTIONALLY, FINANCIALLY, and PHYSICALLY detach. Some may have left the family home physically, but remained emotionally and financially bound to the family, which creates a lot of resentment within the spouse.

excerpts from Richard Poon. 

The article made me rekindled of what I learned from my previous colleague way back before I got married.  She told me something about the "utang na loob" to our parents.  She said that I should try to remember not to practice the Filipino cultural trait "debt of gratitude" to my children when they become adult more-so when they get married.  That future parents should not let their children repay what was done for them.  That there is no obligation to support their parents financially, physically and emotionally.  She emphasized that we (parents) should work hard not just for our children's future but to learn to support our own when we get old and until we die.  

With that note, I believed that "Leave and Cleave" coincides with the "utang na loob" that our parents instilled to us.  I can relate to the married couple that are still bound to their parents in particular, financially.  That happened to us early years of our marriage and back then we were still living in our hometown.  It was very difficult during those times.  

The Hebrew translation means: to PURSUE HARD AFTER SOMEONE/ being GLUED or STUCK TO SOMEONE.

 This cleaving implies that there should be NO CLOSER relationship than HUSBAND & WIFE, not with any FRIEND or PARENT.

What struck me most is that "cleaving" also implies not just to parents but also with any friend.  This shoot me and made realized a lot of things.  Just to share a few, like how I wanted to travel to visit my best friend (I promised to visit her soon).   Well, my hubby heartily agreed before we bought our very own home.  Because of our new home, our budget is very tight.  Regardless of our financial situation, I kept on bringing up to my spouse what I promised to my best friend.  All the while I thought, my husband is being selfish and not keeping his promise that he will let me travel.  While bringing it up, distress which leads to not talking to each for long fires up all that time.  However, I still insisted him to help me do the papers and the like.  He still helped me, but not wholeheartedly.  During chat with my friend, it showed how she supports her husband now that they are living on their ideal place.   I also felt the bond that we had before has started to ease off.  For that moment, I thought - where do I stand?  Is it worth fighting for?  Oh dear friend, please don't get me wrong... I love her and miss her!! I think of her everyday!  How I wish we are still together, spending more me-time.  I cherished all that we've been through and all that she fought for me.  I will never ever forget that.  I know she wants me to be with her someday, that my family and I would be able to live there too.  With that thought, I was so confined and let my husband feel wretched cos he cannot pursue the life we wanted before.  I cannot accept that time that our life is here, rather I should be contented of what we have right now.  But things changed, now that we are so far and wide.  I am happy for her and I hope she is happy for me too. This, that I only realized how I was with my husband, I was hard on him.   I was missing a best friend but I forgot that my husband was my best-friend long before we get married.  Now, I learned my lesson and I hope things will go well again with my husband.  He is and always be my best friend.  To my dear friend, I hope she understands as well.  Hopefully we will see each other not soon but in years to come. 

This, my thoughts exactly.