Going through a rough patch at the moment

image source: wikihow.com

I got ejected...just like that because I let that person endures pain, left hanging and made the person small.  I caused pain to that person without me knowing it.  I hurt that person without me knowing it??  I never thought I was that insensitive!!  For the past months, I was tied up of keeping my promise but on the other hand that person has in mind to boot me out anyways.  You should have told me. You should have told me straight about the problem!! You should have told me you have terms.  You should have told me I should do the same thing like what you did to me before.  You did not give me a chance.  You did not give me chance to explain before you boot me out.  But I am sorry, I do not close doors!! And I am truly sorry I caused you pain.  I am sorry I left you hanging.  I am so sorry that I ignored your feelings.  I am truly sorry if I didn't ask you first if it's okay.  I am so sorry!! 

image credit: boardofwisdom.com

On a side note, you made me realized a lot of things.  All the while I thought we click, but I was wrong.  Because of what happened, I just realized we have different views of a true and loyal friend.  And just because I made mistakes and brought you pain, you cannot accept that friendship anymore...just like that!!  Like what I've told you, I really appreciate the things you've done to me...you stood by me and supported me.  Like you've said, I didn't ask you but you did.  So the definition of your true friendship is that I should do the same.  Yes I got you!! But then again, things are different.  There are a lot of things to consider.  Just imagine how our life would be if  I do what you wish me to do, given that there's a few left.  I won't let our other common friends pick which friend or family to choose!! 

Come to think of it, am I the caused of pain, what I did to you?  Perhaps your terms of true friendship?   It wasn't my intention to hurt you and I believe you misread my intent.  If it happens we are married, I will surely hundred percent support and be loyal to you.  

And for that other person, I don't hate her.  My feelings for her towards you (being jealous) was a big mistake.  I realized I was wrong.  And for that, I know in time seeing you with that person will make me happy. 

Let me remind you again...I only got very few good friends.  Those good friends are not with me, a long distance just like us.  But those good friends that are far from me are true friends that has stood the test of times.  Even afar and keep in touch not that often, worst we get to see each other years, still we both know we have each other.  Just so you know, I found a true friend.   I have been with my true friend more than half of my life.  There's no need for me to search for a true friend.  I have them already.  

You are one of them, I thought.  We only had few years but you want to end it, you "fell out of the friendship."  That is your decision and I respect it.  On the contrary, that is not what I have in mind. 

Besides, you also made me realized who is my other true friend, that person (you refer to) from the start we knew we do not click because most of our interest our different, often have misunderstanding and both made mistakes.  We give space and after awhile reconciled.  Our doors are both open. The one you have witnessed was the worst.  But that doesn't mean I will boot that person out.  I did not expect anything.   Still, that person came back.    

That being said, I'm hurt too.  I am angry, disappointed and sad.  For sure I will survive and move on.  And I've learned a lot!

On a side note.  I told you that I am happy for you.  I am happy if you have new friends.  We may never see each other.   We may never cross our path.  But I want you to know that I am giving you space and I will not expect either.  I want you to know that I am not closing doors on you. 

Above all,  I still feel the same for you.  I still love you and will always cherish our friendship. 

P.S.  This is my journal.  No worries, cos nobody visits my blog anyway.  Its just so happen you were just curious to justify what's going on, that's why you dropped by here.  

After this, I am moving on and with no expectations

Update:  I contemplated all our conversations for days,  you are so... b...!! You ignored me more!! You're the one who ignored me.  You said you were this and that, (alibis) but those were all intentional.  My special day you said...what? That was intentional too, right???  You did all those to me!!  Jeez!!! This, proved me that you are not!!!! 

But I am now!!!